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TULL A R -MEREDITH CO. 



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Best Entertainments for Any Time. 



Dialogs and Plays. 





A CORNER IN HEARTS. By Edna Randolph Worrell. Parlor play for 4 young men 
and 1 lady, or 5 men. Very amusing. All the lovers propose to the same girl. Biea 
humor • pleasing situations. Excellent for any time. 25 minutes. 15 cents. 

A DAY AT HAPPY HOLLOW SCHOOL. By Lettle Cook VanDerveer. 
A new play of the "Deestrick Skule" type. Up-to-date wit and clever 
drolleries. A city automobile party in contrast 'with rural youngsters. Lots 
of fun. Songs, etc.. may be introduced. A capital play to make money 
tor church or school. 25 cents. 

A GOOSE AND SOME GEESE. By Eleanor Stinchcomb. A Jolly Mother 
Goose play with a very pointed climax. For 6 girls and 1 boys. Time, 
15 minutes. 15 cents. 

A HALLOWE'EN ADVENTURE. A lively play, by Effle Louise Koogle. 
Full of ghostly excitement and spooky frolic. Specially suited for social 
(Occasions. 8 males and 8 females, or more. 3 ecenes. 1 hour. 15 cents. 
A LITTLE HEROINE OF THE REVOLUTION. A play for all ages. 
By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A little girl is sent ostensibly to play with a _ 
friend, but really to carry a message to General Marion. She is captured by the British, 
but by her cleverness deceives them, and reaches her destination. Full of historic interest. 
10 males, 5 females. More boys may be added as soldiers, if desired. 25 cents. 

AL MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE. A burlesque for from 15 to 30 par- 
ticipants, by Archibald Humboldt and Martelle Everett. Unsurpassed for 
merriment, taking qualities and ease of production. A country store with 
all its peculiar environments Is depicted. The loafers, the small cus- 
tomers, the gossipers, the lovers, the innocent fun makers, all have parts. 
There is a graceful plot that gathers interest as the play proceeds and 
culminates in a brilliant climax. Unquestionably the greatest success as a 
popular entertainment. 25 cents 

CONTEST OF THE NATIONS, THE. A spectacular play or cantata, 
by Elizabeth F. Guptill. The Goddess of Liberty and 12 nations competo 
for the laurel crown. It embraces a line march ; splendid songs by Archi- 
bald Humboldt. Very effective, 13 ladies. 25 cents.. 
CABBAGE HILL SCHOOL. A humorous play for children or young 
people, by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Presents the trials of a new "skewl- 
murm" on the opening day, and the performances of the pupils in the 
presence of august visitors on closing day. A veritable mirth-provoker. 
Full of the richest humor. 10 males, 16 female characters (or less). 25c. 
| CROWNING THE MAY QUEEN. A spectacular play by Elizabeth F. 
Guptill. Children go Maying, select and crown a queen, wind the Maypole, 
and have a merry time. The frolic is quickly changed to great excitement by 
the appearance of a gypsy, who attempts to abduct them. A very clever 
plot and a happy arrangement. 9 boys and 8 girls, or 17 girls. 25 cents. 
CUPID'S JOKE. A charming little drama in which Cupid plays an 
Important part. A splendid society play for St. Valentine's Day, or any 
social occasion. 5 male and 5 female characters, and Cupid. 3 scenes, 
45 minutes. By Effle Louise Koogle. 15 cents. 

DIALOGS FOR ANY TIME, ORIGINAL. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. Interesting and 
amusing. May be given in any room with very few property requirements, by primary and 
Intermediate grades. The author's name Is a guarantee of their excellence. They are 
■witty, spicy and lively. 25 cents. 

DISPELLING OF BIG JIM, THE. A negro farce In one act. by Sterling C. Brewer. 
Decidedly humorous. Big Jim is being tried by the officials of Big Bethel Church for 
come misdemeanor. The trial is full of interesting occurrences and culminates In an exciting 
event. Full of darky humor. 8 male characters. 30 minutes. 15 cents. 
DOCTOR AND PATIENT. By John M. Drake. 2 male characters. Very funny. 5e. 
DOIG'S EXCELLENT DIALOGS. By Agnes M. Doig. Contains four excellent dialogs 
lor the primary grades. "Keeping Store," 3 girls, 1 boy. "Guessing," 3 girls, 2 boys. 
"Playing School." 4 boys, 4 girls. "Christmas Eve," 3 girls, 2 boys. 10 cents. 
DOLL DIALOG. This is a very instructive dialog for 4 little girls. 5 cents. 
DOLLY SHOW, THE. A dialog in rhvme for 7 little girls and 2 boys. The girls have 
Ji baby show with their dollies, and each "mother" shows her baby off to the best advantage, 
ffhe judge is unusually wise, awarding the prize to the satisfaction of each one. The sayings 
J>f the little ones are cute, and the whole performance a great success. 15 cents. 

DOLLS' SYMPOSIUM, THE. A most unique and captivating play, by Elizabeth 
F. Guptill. It combines spicy dialog, fascinating drills, clever 
burlesque, entrancing songs and cunning antics. Children imper- 
sonate the dolls and do the most amusing stunts. Unequaled as a. 
surprising fun maker. For any number from 16 to 60. One-half 
to one and one-half hours, as desired. 25 cents. 

GOING TO MEET AUNT HATTIE. A dialog by Mrs. Hunt. For 
1 male and 3 female characters. 6 cents. 

THE GOLDEN GOBLET. An exceedingly clever farce, with female- 
cast, for Bachelor Girls' and Women's Clubs. Sororities, etc., by Louiso 
Band Bascom, author of "The Masonic Ring." Uproariously funny with 
absurd situations and comical elaborations. A "hit" for any occasion. 
Easy to produce. Any number of characters, but 12 required. 1 hr. 35c. 
HEIR OF MT. VERNON, THE. A Colonial Society Play for any 
occasion, in which Washington's social life, sterling manhood and cour- 
teous manners are portrayed. In one scene Christmas is celebrated in 
rare plantation style. Lively with old plantation melodies and pranks. 
By Effie Louise Koogle. For grammar grades or adults. 4 scenes, 8 boys 
and 8 girls, or more will be better. 1 to 2 hours. 25 cents. 

No entertalzuuenta sent on approval or exchanged* 





The New Teacher 



at 



Mud Hollow School 



A Burlesque 



By 



ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL 



Price 25 Cents 



All Rights Reserved, Amateur Performance Permitted 




265 West 36th Street, New York 14 W. Washington Street, Chicago 



Copyright IQI4 by Tullar-Meredith Co 
International Copyright Secured 






TMP96-007G88 



©CI.A401341 

JUN II 1915 



Characters 



Miss Arabella Pinkham — the Teacher. 

Evalina Margarita Gwendolyn Smythe 
Dorcas Ann Ransome 
Josiah Joel Joseph Jones 
Fritz Van Hummel 

Mehitable Mercy Matilda Jones 
Maria Nancy Bascom 
Terence O'Hara O'Connor O'DonncIl 
Dandelion Blossom 

Ellowina Roberta Evangeline Smythe 

Honora Bridget Mary O'Donnell 

Katrinka Van Hummel 

Calla Lily Blossom 

William Adolphus West J 

Reginald Algernon DeMontmorency Smythe 
Polly Jane Jenkins Jones 
Lydia Jane Brown 

Mrs. West — Willie's Mother 

Hanna Ann Brown — Lyddy's big sister 

Mr. Jacob Benway — the Supervisor, who has money in the bank 



Pupils from 14 to 16 years old 



Pupils from 10 to 12 years 



Pupils 7 to g years 



Pupils of 5 or 6 years 



Costumes and Properties 



Dress the children in accordance with their characters, but in every day 
school clothes; country children plainly — boys in shirts and overalls, girls in 
calico or gingham aprons. 

Irish and Darkey children wear stiffly starched clothing; Calla Lily's many 
tiny braids are tied with bright ribbons of various colors. Choose dark eyed 
children for darkies, using burnt cork. Dan may have a wig, if preferred; if 
Calla Lily has rather short, dark hair, it will look all right when braided and 
tied. Fritz has light hair, rather long, and Katrinka has two long, light 
braids. The Irish children have red or brown hair. Choose boy with long 
curls or "Dutch cut" for Reginald. The Teacher should be stylishly dressed. 
A desk for the teacher, with a chair or two, and seats and desks for the 
children are all that is required. 

Train children carefully in speaking in dialect. They can be a year or two 
older than given ages. 

Play may be given entirely by grown-ups, those impersonating pupils dressed 
accordingly. This will be more laughable. 



THE LAST DAY AT MUD HOLLOW SCHOOL 
Employs the same Characters with a few added for "Visitors" etc. and should 
be given as a second Entertainment in the "Mud Hollow" series, or if preferred 
it can be given the same evening, "The New Teacher" being "part one" and 
"The Last Day" "part two." 



The New Teacher at Mud Hollow 

School 

(Scene: the schoolroom. Miss Pinkham seated at desk, soliloquizing.) 

Miss Pinkham. Well, of all the forsaken holes to drop into! Such a school- 
room! And such a name! Mud Hollow! Couldn't they have thought up 
anything prettier than that, I wonder? And that queer old fellow who gave 
me my certificate. Could a more perfect specimen of the genus "Ruben" 
exist? I came near asking him if that was his name. And how he did smirk! 
Gave me to understand that if I pleased him, the rest of the committee 
would be all right. With what a lordly air he told me what my princely 
salary would be — four dollars a week, and board around. Asked me my age, 
too, as if I were a child! Well, I told him. I am twenty-two, I'm sure, and 
it's nobody's business if I've been that age for fifteen years, I'm sure! And 
there's certainly no one here to marry, if he's a specimen. I shan't stay 
but one term, that's certain. I thought this part of the country might be a 
change, and it certainly is. (Looks at watch.) Nine o'clock! Here goes to 
call in the young Reubens and find out how much, or how little, they know. 
(Goes to door, rings bell, children enter, noisily.) 

Dan. Where 'bouts does yo' want we-all to sit, Teacher? 

Miss Pinkham. Oh, anywhere. Take your old seats — the ones you occupied 
last term. 

Dan. De ones we all done did what to? 

Lilly. Oxahpied, yo' niggah. I neber done dat to my seat, Teacher, neber! 

Miss P. Take the same seats you had before. 

Terry. Sure, and we wi^ do that same, Teacher. 

(They take seals, with much pushing and giggling.) 

Miss P. You will find some work on the blackboard to occupy your hands 
and attention, while I classify you and assign your lessons. 

Joe. T'other teachers never signed our lessons. We allers signed the writ 
ones our own selves, and the say ones you can't sign. 

Miss P. I mean classify you, and tell you where your lessons will be. 

Joe. Oh! (Maria begins to cry.) 

Miss P. What's the matter, little girl? Are y»u ill? 

Maria. Are I what? 

Miss P. Are you sick? Do you feel badly? 

Maria. No, I aint sick, but I do feel bad. I don't want to be classified. It'll 
hurt. 

Miss P. Why, no it won't. What an idea! 

Maria. 'Twill, too! What you want to do it for? None of oui ^ther teachers 
did. 'Sides, our folks won't like it at all! I want to go home. 

Miss P. What a silly little girl! Sit up and be good. 

Maria. I don't want to be good. I want to go home. I aint no butterfly. 

Miss P. Butterfly! Is the child crazy? (Shakes her slightly.) Now sit up 
and tell me what the trouble is. Why are you crying? 

Maria. I don't want to be killed and stuck on a cushion! 

Hitty. (Waving her hand.) I know, Teacher! I know what's the matter of 
her. 



The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

Miss P. The matter with her, you mean. Well, what is it? 

Hitty. The matter of her with her is that you said you were going to classify us. 

Miss P. And why should that make her cry? 

Hilly. Her uncle's a c'lector. 

Miss P. I don't see that you have made it any clearer. 

Terry. The uncle of her c'lects butterflies, mem — kills 'em with a cyanide 

bottle, shticks a pin through thim fer his c'lection, shure! He calls it a 

classifyin' of 'em, and she thinks you're a-wantin' to do the same to her, mem. 
Miss P. The idea! Now, little girl, stop crying at once. I only want to find 

out what class you belong in. 
Maria. I don't want to b'long in any class. I want to go home. 
Dan. Nebah mind M'ria, Miss Teachah; she cries mos' all de time. She go 

"weep, weep, weep," like ole Frog's chillen out in de ma'sh. 
Joe. She was born c yin', and she'll die cryin' and turn into a founting, like 

that Niby girl her uncle tells about. 
Maria. I want to go home! 
Miss P. Maria, stop crying at once, or I shall give you something to c y 

about. Have you finished? 
Maria. Y-y-yessm. (Wipes eyes on apron, but continues to sniff.) 
Miss P. The highesi class may come out here. The rest of you take your 

books and find something to do until I have time to examine you. 
(Fritz raises his hand.) 
Miss P. What is it? 
Fritz. Der last teacher vot zamined anybody in dis sgool got herselluf into a 

heap ov trouble aretty. 
Miss P. What do yo j mean by that? Are you trying to be impertinent? No, 

(to Terry, who is wildly waving his hand and snapping his fingers) not you. 

Put your hand dowi I want the other boy to answer. Were you trying 

to be impertinent? 
Fritz. Yah, I guess zo aretty. I didn't know vot you means by dot big vord, 

but I voz a drying to hellup you geep out ov a scrape. 
Miss P. I don't understand you. No (lo Terry again) I am talking to this 

boy. 
Fritz. Der leedle gray deacher vot vos here von dime, she did zamine Galla 

Lily blossom's head vor gieepers, und Vrow Blossom she did chase dot leedle 

deacher out ov der down aretty, mit a razor. 
Miss P. Can't you speak English? 

Fritz. Yah, dot vos English aretty. Did you dink it vos Tutch? 
Miss P. It sounds very much like it. (Terry has waved his hand wildly most 

of the time, and Miss P. now speaks to him.) Now, boy, what is it? 

Terry. May it plaze yer sweet face, tacher, Dutchy can't hilp talking that 
way, at all, at all. He thinks it's Inglish, but it's jist a hodge-podge. What 
he's a-trying to say, but can't for the brogue of of him, is that Miss Gray, 
she got it into the pretty head of her, that Calla Lily Blossom had visitors 
in the kinky head of her, and she axamined it, jist to make sure, ye know, 
in defince of her own hair and the rats she wore in that same; and sure there 
wasn't annything in the wool of her at all, at all. 'Twas jist a notion, like, 
that she had of scratching the head of her because her mither made it itch 
like by pulling it tight, and braiding it into sich a hape of little tails to tie 
ribbins onto. So Miss Gray she looked at it, sharp, through her glasses, and 
there was all the little paths clane and impty, and no cattle a-running up 



The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 



and down 'em at all, at all, and she sint Calla Lily to the sate of her with, 
the bid to stop the scratching of her; and that was all there was to it. But 
the little colleen she told her mither whin she got home, and her mither she 
got after Miss Gray with a razor, and bedad, Miss Gray was that scared 
that she took the first train for home, and she niver came back to finish the 
terrum. 
Miss P. (Who has vainly tried to speak.) For pity's sake, boy, do you never 
stop to take breath? 

Terry. Sure, and I do that same, Tacher, whiniver it's nadeful. 

Miss P. Well, stop to do it now. Take several. (Terry does so, noticeably.) 

That will do. Sit down and keep still. I shall not examine your heads, the 

outside, at least, but I'll try to find out if there is anything inside. 
Joe. There aint, Teacher, not a thing. 
Miss P. Probably not. Highest class, pass to the front of the room. (They 

start to do so, straggling along.) No, go back. 
Dorcas. You told us to! 
Miss P. Take your seats again. 
Fritz. I didn't dake it the vurst dime. It vas right there all der dime aretty. 

It vas vastened to der vloor, und I gouldn't dake it. 
Miss P. Well, let it take you. (Fritz seats himself. The rest have already 

done so.) 
Miss P. Now, children, you heard this bell? (As she speaks, she gives the bell 

a smart tap.) 
Dan. Golly! 

Katrinka. Mine Gootness! 
Polly. Be that thing a bell, Teacher? 

Miss P. Of course it's a bell. Didn't your last teacher have a bell? 
Temperance. No'um, he didn't. He had a ferule, and he used to pound with 

it on the desk or on the side of the school-house, but he never had no bell. 
Nora. Miss Gray had a big bell, but she rung it this way. (Moves her arm 

up and down.) She niver give it a pat on the head of it with one finger, and 

it wouldn't have spoke for her, bedad, if she had done that same. 
Miss P. My bell rings bo. (Touches it several times.) Now, the oldest class 

rise when I ring it once and pass out when I ring it again. Now rise. (She 

taps bell. (Clans straggles up.) No, no! All rise at once! Sit down. Now! 

(taps bell again, and they rise the same as before. Fritz sits still.) 
Joe. Get up, Dutchy. 
Fritz. Vor vat should I get up, Choe? 
Miss P. Are you in this class? 
Fritz. Yah! I be in dis glass aretty. 
Miss P. Then why do you not rise with the others? 
Fritz. Rise? I did not zee any von rise. 
Miss P. They all did but you. 
Fritz. Vy, der rest of der glass chust shtood up aretty. Mine mutter she 

make der pread to rise, but I don't got any yeast in me. 
Miss P. I mean stand up. 
Fritz. Yah, Fraulein. (He does so.) 
Miss P. Now sit down. Now all try to get up together. (They try several 

times. Finally she gets the class to the front.) 
Joe. All gitty up and sitty down, I call it. 



8 The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

Miss P. No remarks, please. 

Joe. I wasn't a-remarkin' anything, but it was like the time my uncle Cy 
went to church. He was in Bosting, a-seein' the sights, and one Sunday he 
went to church. He put on a biled shirt and iled his hair up slick, and 
then he followed the craoud. 'Twas a tony church, with winders made of 
leetle bits of broken glass bottles in all the colors of the rainbow. Made a 
picter, too, they did. Wal, Uncle Cy he watched the rest, and done just as 
they done, and they kep' a-hoppin up every two or three minutes, and then 
a sittin' and then a kneelin' and a sassin' of the minister back. And the 
minister wore a widder's wrapper with a long towel round his neck and 
hangin' down on both sides, and the singers marched up the aisle with black 
petticuts on, and short night gaowns over them, and be hanged if they 
weren't boys, at that. And when Uncle Cy got aout, he said, "I'll be gol 
denied if ever I set foot in a city church agin! It's all gitty up and sitty 
daown." 

Miss P. That will do. I'll talk, now. I see I shall have to teach this school 
to be quiet. I never saw one that talked so much. 

Hilly. School haint said no thin'. It's the scholars. 

Miss P. Silence! I will take your names first. (To Evalina.) Yours first, 
please. I see you don't talk without permission. 

Evalina. No indeed, Miss Pinkham. My Mamma (strong emphasis on last 
syllable) is exterreemerly perticuler about the etiquette of our manners. We 
hold ourselves above the common herd of rabble around here. 

Joe. Some punkins, we are! 

Evalina. (Tossing head.) My apple-eration is Miss Evalina Margarita 
Gwendolyn Smythe. 

Miss P. Smith? 

Evalina. No, Madamoysle, Smythe. S-m-y-t h-e. It makes Mamma nearly 
swoon away to be called by that vulgar coggernomen, Smith. 

Miss P. Indeed! Where did you learn such very queer words? Not from 
the dictionary, I am sure. 

Evalina. I imbibed them from the conversation of my dear Mamma. She 
has the most flowery command of the intrickersissies of our grammatical 
language of any one you ever conversationed with. 

Joe. That she has. She's a walkin' Webster on a bridge. 

Evalina. She knows the dictionary now, and is always gleaning some new 
and oregonalidears from its wonderfully elerquent pages. Mr. Clancy, our 
last teacher, said it was wonderful what Mamma could do to the Angle-o 
Saxing language. 

Miss P„ I should think so. Suppose you try to speak in simpler words, while 
at school. 

Evalina. Mamma would be exceedingerly unpleased with me, if I should do 
so. She wishes me to become as graceful a conversationer as she is. 

Miss P. How old are you? 

Evalina. Twelve. 

Miss P. Only twelve? 

Terry. Sure, and she's been twilve iver since furst she came here, four years 
ago. Her Mamma (he imitates her way of saying the word) is a widdy, and 
she's trying her livil bist to quit being that same, so she kapes Evalina 
young to kape from growing older hersilf . 

Evalina. That isn't true, Miss Pinkham. 

Miss P. You certainly look all of sixteen. You are as tall as I. 






The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

Evalina. Well, see how short my skirts are. 

Miss P. That doesn't prove anything. 

Evalina. Mr. Clancy didn't believe it, either, but Mamma said you would be 
a lady about it, she knew, for you'd told Reuben Ransome that you was 
twenty-two, and you appear twenty years more elder than that. 

Miss P. Of course your mother knows your age. I shall put it down twelve, 
of course. 

Evalina. Ma remarked this very morning that she was absolutely and cer- 
tainly possertive that you would, Thank you extremerly. 

Miss P. (To Dorcas.) What is your name? 

Dorcas. Dorcas Ann Ransome. The man what gin you yer stifficut is my 
Grandsir. 

Miss P. Indeed! And your age, Dorcas? 

Dorcas. 'Tisn't Dorcas. It's Dorcas Ann. I'm fifteen come Feb'r'y. 

Miss P. I shall call you Dorcas. It is your Christian name. 

Dorcas. 'Tisn't Dorcas. It's Dorcas Ann. Everybody always calls me the 
whole of it. 

Dan. Dey does, Miss Teachah, truly. It all b'longs togeddah, like Brer 
Turkle 'n his house. 

Miss P. Those in their seats keep still. As I said before, I shall call you 
Dorcas. 

Dorcas. 'Tisn't Dorcas. It's Dorcas Ann. My Grandsir named me for his 
first sweetheart, the one that wouldn't have him, and he won't like it if you 
don't say it all. Maybe you won't get Mud Hollow School next term. 

Miss P. (Aside.) Goodness knows I sha'n't want it. (Aloud.) Very well, 
Dorcas Ann, I'll try to remember it all. But why do you call this the Mud 
Hollow School? 

Dorcas. 'Cause 'tis! 

Miss P. But why is it? 

Dorcas. 'Cause it's in Mud Holler. 

Miss P. It is between two hills, but why not call it a vale or a valley instead 
of a hollow? Pleasant Vale, for instance, would be a much more euphonious 
name. 

Evalina. That's a pretty word — euphonious! I'll repeat that to Mamma! 

Miss P. Shall we call our school the Pleasant Vale School? 

Dorcas. 'Tis Mud Holler. 

Joe. Guess you'll think so, if you're ever here in mud time, Teacher. It's 
the muddiest hole in the hull township. 

Terry. Shure, an it is that same! I know who named it, Tacher! 

Miss P. Well, who did? Was he such a great man that it must always be 
called what he called it? 

Terry. Faith, he was a man whose name I don't know, mem, and I dis- 
remimber jist where he come from, but it wasn't sich a muddy counthry as 
this, annyway. And he was a poddling along in the mud, and a swearing 
that if iver he got back to the bogs of old Oirland, 'twas there he'd stay, and 
not go a-hunting for annything worrus, whin he saw a hat in the road be- 
front of him. Says he to himsilf, "I'll jist pick up tfiat hat," says he, whin 
all at once he saw that it was a-moving along, slow-like. "Bedad," says he, 
"Am I drunk, or is the hat?" Well, he walked on, his eyes on the queer- 
moving hat, till he caught up with the crater. "Faith," says he, "Frind 
Hat, it's mesilf that don't like yer actions," and he up with his fut, and 
f itched the hat a kick; and thin he jumped three feet into the air, for a voice 



10 The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

from under him calls out, "Let my hat alone, will ye?" "Yer hat?" says he, 
"And who may ye be, ye spalpeen, and faith, where are ye?" And the voice 
answered, "I'm John Jones, and I'm a riding along on this load of hay, a- 
minding me own business, and will yez plaze to do the same, if it's all alike 
to you? "And the man gave a woild scrame, and lit out for the sayshore, 
to wait till a ship should come forninst him, bound for old Oirland. "Sure, 
and its mesilf," says he, "that wants nothing to do wid a counthry where the 
mud is dape enough to hide a load of hay, and a man betop of that same, 
all but the hat of him." And it's been Mud Holler iver since, saving yer 
prisince, mem. 

Dorcas. And it is Mud Holler. 

Miss P. Well, we'll see about rechristening it, later. 

Dorcas. 'Tis Mud Holler, so there now! 

Miss P. That will do. 

Dorcas, (aside.) 'Tis Mud Holler, anyhow, so there! 

Miss P. (To Joe.) What is your name? 

Joe. Jo-siah, Jo-el, Jo-seph Jones. 

Miss P. Nonsense! 

Joe. Yas'm, that's what I think, but that's my name, just the same. You 
see, I'd had four sisters, already, when I come along, but I wasn't a sister, 
I was a boy. 

Miss P. So I should suppose. 

Joe. 'N Granny Baker 'n Granther Jones, 'n Great Aunt Matildy all wanted 
to name me, 'n they all wanted to call me Joe, but Granny wanted Josiah, 
after Granther Baker, 'n Granther, he wanted Joel, cause that war his name, 
'n Great-Aunt Matildy, she wanted Joseph, 'cause he war her one and only 
beau, thet got drownded, 'n there Ma war, all fussed up atween 'em. So 
finally, Dad, he settled it. "Name him all three, "said he," and we'll call 
him Joe, 'n thet's short fur the hull kit 'n kaboodle of 'em," so they did. 

Miss P. But your first name is Josiah? 

Joe. Yas marm, Jo-siah, Jo el, Joseph Jones. 

Miss P. I shall call you Josiah. 

Joe. Pa, he won't hev it. "No partiality," he says. Jest call me Joe. 

Miss P. I will, Jo-siah. 

Joe. Naow I wouldn't dew thet, if I war you, 'cause Pa he'll raise a raow, 

same as he did when Miss Gray called me thet, 'n Reuben Ransome, he'll 

stand by him. "We don't hire teachers," he told her, "to tell the young 

'uns what their names be. Yew call em what their pairients dew, dew yew 

hear?" 'n she hed tew. 
Miss P. I always supposed that the teacher was the one to run the school, 

but it seems that I was mistaken. 
Joe. Right yew be, marm. Reuben Ransome runs this skewl, 'n he runs it 

to please the men thet elect him. "I don't let my hired men boss me," says 

he, "Nor I shan't my hired women." 
Miss P. Indeed! Your age? 
Joe. Sixteen come Michaelmas Day. 
Miss P. And when may that be? 

Joe. Why, why, it's Jan'r'y, or Feb'r'y, I haint sartin which. 
Miss P. A boy fifteen years old, and don't know the date of your birthday? 
Joe. I do know it. It's Michaelmas Day. 
Dan. He means Ground Hog Day, Miss Teachah. 



The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. // 

Miss P. Ground Hog Day? 

Dan. Yessum, Miss Teachah. Brer Ground Hog he eat all summah, an' gets 
fat as butt ah, an' in de vvintah he curl hisse'f up in a ball, and goes to sleep. 
An' long 'bout Feb'y, he wakes up an' stretches hisse'f, and out he comes to 
look at de weddah. An' if de sun's a shinin' so he can see his own shaddah, 
he goes back an' cuhls up for anuddah long nap, 'caze he know wintah is 
only half gonded. 

Kalrinka. Zum volks galls it voodchuck day. 

Miss P. But just when is it? What date? (All shake heads.) Joe, ask your 
mother tonight the date of your birthday. 

Joe. She'll say just what she did when Miss Gray made me ask her. She 
said, "You tell that silly little skewlmarm thet if .she dunno when Mich- 
aelmas Day comes, she'd better study her almanac a little." 

Miss P. (To Fritz.) Your name? 

Fritz. Vot? 

Miss P. Give me your name. 

Fritz. I vant him mine selluf . Pesides, he vouldn't vit you, aretty, for vy 
you vos a fraulein, aint it? 

Miss P. Tell me your name. 

Fritz. Vritz. 

Miss P. Fritz what? 

Fritz. No, not Vritz vot, but Vritz Van Hummel. Dare vos no name vot 
gome betveen, like as der odder poys, and I vos vourdeen. 

Miss P. Now what does this class study? 

Dorcas and Joe. (One names two or three, then the other.) Readin', writin', 
'rithmetic, gogafy, spellin, grammar, algebray, hist'ry, comperzishin, pro- 
nounciation, 'rithmetic — 

Dorcas. I said 'rithmetic. 

Joe. So did I you see. 

Dorcas. Well, you needn't. I'd said it a'ready. 

Miss P. Don't begin to argue again, Dorcas Ann. Which study do you like 
best, Joe? 

Joe. I don't like none of 'em. 

Miss P. But you should. You want an education, don't you? 

Joe. I ben't at all particular 'baout thet, marm, but I dew want thet hundred 
acre lot. You see, Granther Baker, he couldn't read nor write, 'n Granny 
Bake 1- she said thet she was always 'shamed to hev to dew it all fur him, 'n 
she war plum sorry tew see thet I didn't hev no great leanin's thet-a-way, 
nuther, 'n so she said thet if I went to skewl till T war sixteen, she'd gimme 
her hundred acre lot when she war through with it, but she didn't dew it. 
She war all through with it four year ago, when she died o' pewmony, but 
I'll be hanged if she didn't leave a will thet I couldn't hev it till I war one 
an' twenty, 'n not then, 'nlessn I'd kep' on at skewl till I war sixteen. If I 
don't, Hitty gits ha'f, 'n Polly ha'f, 'n I'll be hanged if them gals is a-goin' 
to git my proputty. So here I stick till next Michaelmas Day, 'n then I'm 
done. 

Miss P. Which study do you like best, Dorcas — Ann? 

Dorcas. Readin', 'cause it's easiest. 

Fritz. I likes der viggers, and der von vare you chuggle vith the x, vy, z. 

Miss P. And you, Evalina? 



12 The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

Evalina. Oh, grammar, pronounciation and compersishin. Yes, and geog- 

geriffy. I like about the countries and cities across the ocean, for I intend 

to go abroad on my wedding tower. 
Miss P. Indeed? 
Evelina. Mamma says if you'll corndescend to teach me citified ettikwetty, 

dancing, ellercushing and singing, also lessons on the piano, she'll pay you 

well. 
Joe. With a prommissory note, due when she marries old Jake Benway. 
Evalina. The idearr! 
Joe. Wal, you know she's settin' her cap at him, and has been ever since she 

found out thet he had a hundred thousand dollars left him by his — his — oh 

hang it! 'Twas his wife's cousin's husband's brother's first wife's ant, warn't 

it, Everleeny? 
Evalina. The idearr! It was his wife's second cousin once removed that left 

it to her, she died right after that, so it came to him. It is nothing to you 

if he likes my mamma. 
Dorcas. He doesn't. She runs after him. He said so. 
Evalina. She does not! 
Joe. She do. 

Miss P. That will do, children. Who is Jake Benway? 
Joe. He's the supervisor, marm. You'll see enough of him. He's allers a 

pokin' his nose into the skewlroom. 
Miss P. You must not speak so of your superiors, my boy. We shall be 

happy to see him, I'm sure. 
Joe. Wal, I haint. He axes questions. 
Miss P. Where are you in Geography? 
Joe. Yurrup. Thet is, we're a-goin' to be, if you don't put us back. Most 

all the teachers do. 
Miss P. What can you do in arithmetic? 
Dorcas. Most anything as far as fractions, if we have our books to see the 

rules. We can't do any of the miscellaneous ones, 'cept Dutchy. 
Miss P. Then you haven't taken fractions? 
Joe. Land sakes, yes! We've took 'em an' took 'em, but somehow they don't 

take to us. 
Miss P. And yet you study algebra? 
Joe. Yas'm, but we< don't hurt it any. We haint never got very fur, 'cause 

we git all tangled up in the plus an' minus. 
Dorcas. I aint a-goin' to study it this term. My Ma says it's foolish to make 

believe do 'rithmetic with the alpherbet, an' I'm to drop it. 
Joe. Guess I will, too. 
Miss P. It would be well, I think, for you all to drop it till you are a little 

farther in arithmetic. (Evalina raises hand.) Well, Evalina? 
Evalina. I'm afraid my mamma will be filled with oberjections as to that. 

She cornsiderates that algibberray is a very genteel study, and entirely fit- 

ticated to be a portion of a well bred young lady's education. She will 

desire me to continue with it, I am certainly possertive. 
Friz. I like der leedle letters vot makes berlieve dey vos figgers. It vos as 

goot as a buzzle aretty, to guess at der way to mix dem up. 
Miss P. Well, I will see, later, what you and Evalina can do with it. Joe 

and Der .as — Ann may drop it if they wish. You may take your seats, now, 

and be prepared to shiw me what you know about fractions, after recess. 

(They take seats.' Noxf cbss! (Terry, Dan and Hitty come out.) 



The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 13 



Terry. Sure, an' Maria's in our class. 

Miss P. Come Maria. 

Maria. I don't want to come. I want to go home. You're a c'lector! 

Miss P. Don't be foolish, Maria. I shall not hurt you. Come! 

Maria. I want to go home! (Begins to cry again.) 

Miss P. What a silly little girl! Don't be a baby, now. Come out here, 
before I have to come after you. 

Maria. I — I — don't like to be called names! T-t-tisn't nice, if y-you are a 
s-sschool-ma'am ! 

Miss P. I didn't call you any names, but you must obey. You are disturb- 
ing the rest of the school. 

Maria. Y-y-you d-did too! You said I was a silly fool, and a bawl-baby! 

Miss P. I didn't say so, but you certainly appear so. Come! 

Maria. I-I-don't wanter! {Miss P. goes to her, and brings her down by force, 
Maria crying loudly.) 

Dan. Golly! She makes as much noise as ole Mis' Crow's pickaninnies did 
when Brer Fox got arter 'em. 

Miss P. (Shaking Maria.) Be still! If you don't keep quiet, I shall whip 
you. 

Maria. (Subsiding into sobs.) I-I-don't mind a wh-whipping, but I don't 
want pi-pins stuck into me! 

Miss P. What is your name? 

Maria. M-M-Maria, (sniff, sniff) N-Nancy, (sniff,) B B-Bascom, oh dear! 

Miss P. And your age? 

Maria. A d-d-d-dozen! 

Miss P. Well, see if you can stop crying a few minutes, do! 

Terry. Sure, and she'll stop byme-by, when she furgits herself, but she'll 
begin agin as soon as iver she remembers. She's worrus than a banshee, a- 
wailing all the living time. She'd be a trisure at a wake! 

Miss P. (To Hitty.) What is your name, little girl? 

Hitly. Mehitable Mercy Matilda Jones, 'n I'm Joe's sister, 'n I'm 'leven'n 
three quarters. 

Miss P. (To Terry.) And yours? 

Terry. Terence O'Hara O'Connor O'Donnell, if yez plaze'm. 

Miss P. Say it again, please. I didn't get all the O's. (He does so.) 

Miss P. I never had a school where the children had such'abundance of names. 

Terry. Sure, and we do that same! Ye see, mem, me mither was O'Connor, 
and her mither was an O'Hara, and me feyther was Terence O'Donnell, as 
was his feyther before him, and his and his and his and his and — 

Miss P. Do stop, boy! Don't go on forever. 

Terry. Sure, an' I wasn't a-goin' to mem. I'd a-stopped whin I got to the 
ind of 'em, av coorse, but there was tin Terence O'Donnell's av County 
Cork, and I'm the 'livinth. Wan av the good little people she told me great- 
great-grandmither in the 'livinth generation: "Name him Terence?" says she 
and whin the thirteenth Terence is born, he'll have a gould spoon in the 
mouth av him" says she. So I'm the 'livinth, an' me grandson will be a 
rich man, bedad! 

Miss P. So you were born in Ireland? 

Terence. I was that, mem, and whin me rich grandson is born, I'm going back, 
bedad, and take me mither with me. She shan't do ither folkses washin's 
thin, says I. 



14 The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

Miss P. I should think not, indeed. How old are you? 

Terence. Tin, an' goin' on 'livin. 

Miss P. You are young for this class. 

Terry. But I've got an ould hid on the shoulders av me, mem, and ye'll find 
I can do anny worruk that this class can do, bedad. Anny rale Irishman 
can beat a naygur twice his age or size, with wan hand tied behint the back 
av him, yis he can! 

Dan. Don't youall go for to call me no niggah, or I'll bust yo' haid for yo', 
yo' raid-haided Paddy! 

Terry. Yez will, will yez? Kim on an' thry it wance, av yez dare! (Boys 
begin to fight. Miss P. separates them.) 

Miss P. Boys! Boys! I am ashamed of you. Sit down and behave your- 
selves! 

Dan. He needn't go to callin' me niggah, den! 

Terry. Sure an' yersilf called me Paddy! 

Miss P. (Shaking Terry.) Be still! (To Dan.) Now, then, what is your 
name? 

Dan. Dandelion Blossom, and I don't know how old I is, caze my Mammy 
she done furgit. Ise 'bout so older dan my sistah. Measures about the height 
of a two-year old child.) 

Miss P. But what is your name? 

Dan. I dun tole yeh, it's Dandelion Blossom. 

Miss P. That isn't a name, it's a flower. 

Dan. Yas, Mis' Teachah, an' Ise my Mammy's flower. Yo' see, my Daddy 
is Tobe Blossom, an' dat's sho't fo' Tobaccah Blossom, so when my Mammy 
come to know him, she up an' mahhied him fo' his putty name, an' she says, 
ef Ise gwine teh be a Blossom, I'll be a ra'a posy, 'n she changed her name 
fum Chloe to Japonica, caze dat's de bestest blossom she knows, and so 
wealls are named from posies, too, an' Ise Dandelion. Dey calls me Dan, 
mos'ly, heah at de school, but Mammy don like it. She say it sounds like 
a po' white chile's name. 

Miss P. What do you study? 

Dan. 'Riffumtic, Gog'fy, Spellin', Readin', 'Ritin', an' dat's all. 

Miss P. Where are you in arithmetic? 

Dan. In distruction, Miss Teachah. 

Terence. Sure an' it's substraction he manes, mem, where yez take a number 
from a littler one by borryin' from yez neighbor. "Do yez pay attention, 
me bye, an' git that lisson well," me mither says, "for if yez can learn to 
take somethin' from nuthin', sure an' yez may git rich widout waitin' for 
yez grandson. "We haint got it yit, though. 

Miss P. And in Geography? 

Hitty. We're just a-beginnin' that, Teacher! We're a-learnin' of the defun- 
ishings. 

Miss P. ^ Learn the first lesson to recite after recess. That will do. (Class 
goes to 'seats, Maria crying into her apron.) 

Miss P. Next class! (Nora, Katrinka, Calla Lily and Ellovrina come out.) 

Miss P. Four little girls! That's nice. I'm sure this is a nice class. Now 
I'll take your names. (All begin to give them at once.) Oh, no, not that way, 
one at a time. (To Ellowina.) What is your name? 

Ellowina. Ellowina Roberta Evangeline Smythe, and I'm eight years old. 

Miss P. You are not so tall for your age as your sister. 



The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 15 



Ellowina. No ma'am, but I have a birthday every year. 

Miss P. Indeed? (To Nora.) And what is this little girl's name? 

Nora. Honora Bridget Mary O'Donnell. 

Miss P. And your age? 

Nora. Sivin. (Both ansivers have been very low.) 

Miss P. Speak up, child, I can't hear you. Cannot you speak louder? (Nora 

shakes head.) 
Terry. She's bashful, mem. She's me little sishter, an' her name's Honora 

Bridget Mary, but we calls her Nora for short. She's sivin, last St. Patrick's 

Day. 
Miss P. And who is this little girl? 
Kalrinka. Katrinka Van Hummel, and I vos eight years old aretty. Zum 

day I vos been nine. Fritz, he vos mine brutter, zum, und I vos his zister, 

aretty, too. 
Miss P. And this is Dan's sister, I'm sure. What blossom are you? 
Calla Lily. Calla Lily. 

Miss P. And da they call you Calla, or Lily? 
Calla Lily. Dey calls me Calla Lily. My Mammy she say de hull on it, ebry 

time, Teachah. 
Miss P. Exceedingly appropriate, I'm sure! And has she forgotten your 

age, too? 
Calla Lily. Yassum, but dat don' mattah. Ise old enough to go to school- 
Cabbage Rose an' Rhododendron an' Magnolia dey aint big 'nough yet- 
White Clematis he war big 'nough, but he 'et too much water million, an' 

he's daid, so he aint a-comin' this term 
Miss P. I should think not. 
Calla Lily. Mebbe his ghostess might come, Teachah, if we-all kept school 

night times. Ghostesses don't come out by day. 
Miss P. Nor by night, child, either. Surely you do not believe in ghosts? 
Dan. Don' yo' Teachah, truly? 
Miss P. Certainly not! 
Dan. Den yo' jes' bettah come see my Mammy, an' let her tell yo' 'bout 

what a lot she's seed, an' how she's talked to 'em. She's allers a-sayin' dat 

folkses what don' b'lieve in ghostesses an' ha'nts is ig'nunt, an' needs to be 

teached. 
Miss P. That will do. There is no such thing as a ghost. Take your seats. 

(They do so.) 
Calla Lily. My Mammy she knows. She's seed 'em. 
Miss P. (To Polly.) What is your name? 
Polly. Polly Parrot, tee-hee- hee! 

Miss P. Well, of all the extraordinary names! (Polly continues to gigglas.) 
Joe. 'Taint Polly Parrot, nuther. That's a nickname. Her name's Polly 

Jones. 
Hitty. It's Polly Jane Jenkins Jones, fer Marm, and she's six years old, and 

knows most of her letters. 
Nora. Yez didn't ask us where our lissons was. 
Miss P. I was too busy. It is nearly recess time. I will hear you read after 

recess, and question you then. 
Katrinka. You von't need to question us much, aretty. Ve chust read in der 

zegond reading book, und zpell our vords zum vay, und ve gount 'em von, 

doo, vree. 



16 The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

Calla Lily. We-all learns to write our names, too, Teachah, only we-all can't 
do it yet. 

Miss. P. Now this little boy is the only one left. What is your name? 

Reginald. No matter. 

Miss P. That isn't pretty. Tell me your name. 

Reginald. Tom. (Evalina and Ellowina have been wildly waving their hands.) 

Miss P. Well, Evalina? 

Evalina. He is my youngest brother, ma'am. 

Reginald. I'm your, oldest brother, too. 

Evalina. His name is Reginald Algernon De Montmorency Smythe. It's an 
exceedingly euphonious and allergant name, and sounds like he belonged to 
the old English aris to crassy, Mamma says, but he doesn't like it, and wants 
to be called Tom, like a common barn cat. He is nearly six, and Mamma 
says he's the tribberluation of her existence for he's just determined he will 
not be high-toned and proper. 

Ellowina. Mamma says he's just like Papa. He would be called John Smith, 
in spite of tears and entreaties, and he used to eat with his knife! 

Evalina. (Sharply.) Don't tell all you know, Ellowina. 

Teacher. Can you read, Reginald? 

Reginald. No, and don't wanter. (A knock is heard. Miss R. goes to door.) 

Miss P. Won't you come in? (Mrs. West and Willie enter.) 

Mrs West. I am bringing you my only remaining treasure, Miss-Miss? 

Miss P. Pinkham. 

Mrs. West. Ah yes, Miss Pinkham. He is a little spoiled, I fear, but you will 
have no trouble, I think, if you humor him a little. Since his dear Papa 
died, (wipes eyes dainily) he has been my only solace. (Willie has been 
making faces at the pupils. His mother now notices it.) Willie darling, that 
isn't pretty. Take off your cap, love. 

Willie. Rather keep it on. 

Mrs. West. Be Mamma's little gentleman, and take it off. 

Willie. You don't take yours off. 

Mrs. West. Mamma'll give you a penny if you're good, dear. 

Willie. Off it comes, then. (Throws it on floor. His Mother picks it up.) 

Miss P. Has he ever been to school? 

Mrs. West. Not lately, I have been unable to spare him. He is eight now, 
and I think he should go, so I have brought him. Willie darling, don't wink 
at the little girls. You make them laugh. 

Willie. I want to make 'em laugh. 

Miss P. What is your name, Willie? 

Willie. That's my name. 

Miss P. Willie what? 

Willie. Not Willie What, Willie Darling. (Winks broadly and grins.) 

Mrs. West. Now be a good boy, Willie Darling. His name is William Adol- 
phus West, and he is eight years old. 

WiUie. Well, you always say it that way, Ma. 

Miss P. He has been to school before, of course? 

Mrs. West. Oh yes, in the city, before his sainted Pa died. Pardon my dis- 
play of emotion, but my loss is still quite recent. 

Joe. (Aside.) Not so recent but what she's got an eye on old Jake Benway. 

Evalina. (Aside.) He won't look at her. 



The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 17 

Fritz. (Aside ) Nor your mutter, eider, aretty. I pet on der sgool deacher. 

Miss P. Silence in the seats! 

Dan. My seat neber said nuffin'. 

Mrs. West. My tears still flow easily, you see, but I think I can converse now. 

Willie. Yes, Pa's caused you a good many tears first and last, Ma. 

Mrs. West. Be a good boy, Willie darling. He was considered very smart in 
the city. The dear child's health isn't very good, so I never cross or punish 
him, and he must not study too hard, as it might injure his brain. The 
dear boy is very precocious. 

Miss P. What do you know, Willie? 

Willie. Mighty little. 

Mrs. West. The dear child is so modest. 

Miss P. What did you like best when you went to school? 

Willie. Recess time, and dinner time. 

Miss P. In school hours, I mean? 

Willie. Making the rest of them laugh. 

Mrs. W. Now Willie darling, don't make the teacher think you're a naughty 
boy. Be my own good boy, that's a dear. I fear I've spoiled him a little, 
since his dear papa died. 

WiUie. She never spoiled Pa any. He had to stand round. 

Mrs. West. Be good, Willie darling. Would you like to examine him? 

Miss P. Not at present. Find a seat, Willie. (Willie seats himself by Kat- 
rinka, and pulls one of her braids.) 

Katrinka. (Clutching his hair.) You chust sit yourselluf down zumveres else, 
aind it. You don't peen a-going to zit mit me aretty, you Villie poy. 

Miss P. Take an empty seat, Willie. (Willie tugs at one.) 

Willie. I can't take it, cause it's nailed down. 

Joe. (Sitting him forcibly down.) Take it that way, smarty. 

Mrs. West. Goodby Willie darling. Be a good boy. Be easy with him, 
won't you? 

Miss P. Yes indeed. He has a few things to learn, but I've no doubt he will 
learn them. Goodbye. Mrs. West goes out. (Mius P. turns to Willie.) 

Miss P. Now Willie, in what class are you? 

Willie. Third Reader, I guess. 

Miss P. You guess? Answer me correctly, and do not try any more showing 
off. A loud knock is heard. Miss P. goes to door. Hannah Ann enters, drag- 
ging Lyddy Jane after her.) 

Hannah. I suppose you're the new teacher? 

Miss P. I am. 

Hannah. H'm! I don't see anything very pretty about you. 

Miss P. I am not aware that I said there was. Did you come here to in- 
sult me? 

Hannah. No, I come to bring this plague taked youngun to school, 'cause I 
couldn't drive her to come alone, but I want you to understand that Hank 
Jenkins is my beau, and you needn't to smile any more of your pink and 
white smiles at him, as you did when he druv yer from the deepo. I won't 
have it, do you hear? 

Miss P. You don't want me to frown at him, do you? 

Hanna. Yes I do. Comin' home and telling me how pretty you be! The 
idee! If you're so dead set on getting a feller, you set your cap fer Jake 
Benway, same as the other old maids and widdys does, and let Hank be. 



18 The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. 

(Gives Lyddy a shake.) Now you be good, Lyddy Jane, or she'll lick yer. 

Miss P. What is your name, little girl? {Lyddy hangs head.) 

Hannah. (Shaking her.) Why don't you answer up? Her name's Lyddy Jane 
Brown, and she's five years old. She's my sister, or rauther, ha'f sister. If 
she don't mind, lick her. She don't know nuthin' but mebbe you can teach 
her a little, if you take your mind off' n Hank long 'nuff . Jest you remember, 
he's spoke fur. (Pushes Lyddy Jane towards Miss P. and flounces out.) 

Joe. (As Miss P. leads her to seat.) Hank's dretful henpecked a'ready, but 
Hannah's got an ant who's got a woodlot. 

Miss P. Don't talk without permission. 

Joe. No-um. Here comes Jake Benway. 

Miss P. That man? 

Joe. Yep, that man. He aint harnsum, but he's got money. 

Terry. And he wants him a wife, Tacher. Smile your prittiest , now. 

Fritz. Blease gan ve haf recess, vile you get acquainted? 

Miss P. Yes, it is recess time now. (Strikes bell. Children run out. She 
takes a tiny mirror from her desk, and primps.) 

Miss P. (Aside.) A hundred thousand? It's worth trying for. (Advances 
toward door with a smirk.) One could improve him a little, or keep him in 
his place, perhaps. Here he comes. (Arranges hair.) 

CURTAIN. 



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fun. 6 male, 4 female characters. No troublesome requirements. Time, 40 min- 
utes. 15 cents. 

TWENTIETH CENTURY THANKSGIVING EXERCISES, THE. Pro- 
vides an abundance of choice, new material, including several dialogs for celebrat- 
ing Thanksgiving in the schoolroom. Practical, gratifying, sensible. 15 cents. 

BOBBY BREWSTER'S ROOSTER. A delightful Thanksgiving operetta 
for young folks, by Effie Louise Koogle. The plot is strong; the climax surpris- 
ing; the music full of life. Two scenes, ordinary furnishings. No costuming. 
5 boys and 5 girls required. Any number more may be used. About three-quarters 
of an hour. Words and music complete. 25 cents. 

TWO INVITATIONS, THE. For Thanksgiving. A jolly new operetta. 
Fun from beginning to end. The music is bright and catchy. Full of clever hits. 
Easy to give. For 4 boys and 5 girls. 15 cents. 

HOW TO CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING DAY and other holidays, birth- 
days of authors and noted men. Full and complete programs provided for every 
holiday. 25 cents. 

No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged. 



Thanksgiving Entertainments — Continued. 

JACK FROST'S MISTAKE. By Clara J. Denton. A very clever one-act 

operetta. Four speaking parts and a chorus of any number. Familiar music is 
given. Easily prepared. The costumes are simple but wonderfully effective. A 
great success. S or more boys. 45 minutes. 25 cents. 

THANKFUL BOBBY. A solo for a small boy. A delightful Thanksgiving 
number. Range suited to a small boy's voice. Bobby gives good reasons for being 
thankful — from a boy's viewpoint. 25 cents. 

LITTLE THANKSGIVING WORKERS. An action song for one or more 
little girls. Describes the preparation for the annual feast day most effectively. 
A pleasing melody which little singers will relish. 25 cents. 

THANKSGIVING IN BROWNIE-LAND. By Effie Louise Koogle. A rol- 
licking play for boys. For any time. Full of life and fun. Also contains Novem- 
ber's Crown. 15 cents. 

NOVEMBER'S CROWN. A new spectacular entertainment for Thanks- 
giving. Easy to present, but wonderfully brilliant and pleasing. For 14 girls and 
boys. 15 cents. 

CHRYSANTHEMUMS. A fancy march and drill for 12 girls, or 8 girls 
and 4 boys. Contains original music. Dainty but effective. 15 cents. 

AUTUMN LEAVES. A fancy drill or exercise for 6 girls carrying sprays 
of autumn leaves. Simple, but pleasing. 15 cents. 

Entertainments for Christmas 

Christmas Operettas 

THE CHRISTMAS GARDEN. By Edna Randolph Worrell. A lively 

spectacular play with captivating music. The Sun, Moon, Stars and Flowers, Snow 
and Blow and Kris appear in appropriate costumes. Spicy colloquy and unusually 
clever sons. 15 or more children. The more the better. Costumes and scenery 
easily made of crepe paper. Words and music complete. 25 cents. 

THE TOYS' REBELLION. The famous little operetta which captured 
the first prize awarded by the Ladies' Home Journal for the best Christmas play for 
children. Equally as bright and captivating as "Runaway Bear," "Christmas at 
the Pole," etc., by the same author, Edna Randolph Worrell. Characters : The 
toys (11 small children), 6 or more boys and girls, 11 to 14 years old, and Kris 
Kringle. 25 cents. 

CHRISTMAS AT THE POLE. An operetta for big and little, by Edna 
Randolph Worrell. For the entire school or a select few. Characters : Uncle Sam, 
Santa, Twin Explorers, Students (any number), the Nations (any number), Eskimos 
(any number). Ideal and up-to-date. The text is a lively combination of happy 
thoughts and pleasant surprises. The music is fascinating and enchanting. We 
recommend this production most highly. Words and music complete, 40 cents. 

COL. GRUMPY'S CHRISTMAS. A jolly operetta, by Effie Louise Koogle. 
At a house party on Christmas eve, a burglary is perpetrated, Santa Claus captured, 
and lively times ensue. A capital plot. Music provokingly clever and capricious ; 
dialog spicy and lively. Full of fun and frolic. Easy to learn. No scenery or 
costumes required. 4 boys and 4 girls in speaking parts, any number more desired. 
Words and music complete. Three-quarters of an hour. 25 cents. 

A SURPRISED GRUMBLER, or How Kris Kringle Made a Convert. A 
new Christmas operetta. Brilliant music, sparkling words. Full of life. Original, 
Jolly and clever; sure to captivate the audience. 25 minutes. 15 cents. 

THE RUN-A-WAY BEAR. A Teddy Bear novelty, by Edna Randolph 
Worrell. An operetta for any number of children. A unique plot, clever puns, 
witticisms and music the most pleasing, combine to make one of the rarest up-to- 
date entertainments. Introduces "Teddy Bear" parade, with catchy music. Cos- 
tumes simple, and no bothersome requirements. Easy to learn, easy to give. Time, 
a half hour or longer. Music and dialog complete, 40 cents. 

KRIS KRINGLE'S MINSTRELS. By Effie Louise Koogle. The "totally 

different" Christmas entertainment. Add to the attractiveness of the minstrel 
show idea the distinction of having "His Royal Nibs" as Interlocutor, with equally 
unique personalities as End Men, endow them with a program flashing with fun, 
brilliant with beauty, enlivening with song and teeming with specialties, and you 
have a scream of delight from start to finish. The mos.t novel novelty of the age. 
25 cents. 

Christmas Drills and Marches 

CHRISTMAS STAR MARCH AND DRILL. Various figures of fancy 
marches, and a captivating drill. For 16 or 24 girls. Easy to give, picturesque in 
effect. Diagrams and full explanations given. Exceedingly effective ; sure to 
delight. 15 cents. 

HOLLY. A Jumping-rope Drill for 6 girls, by Harriette Wilbur. An 
original and unique exercise of wonderful beauty. Contains special music. 15 cents. 

No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged. 



New York 



TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. 



Chicago 




POPULAR ENTERTAINMENTS 

THE RAG SOCIABLE. A quaint old fashioned entertainment which is always sure to 
please. Libretto by Edith S. Tillotson. Music by various Composers. The dialog is very 
spicy and interesting, and humor and pathos are beautifully blended in the various musical 
selections. The characters include Mrs. Winters and her two daughters Betsy and Maria, 
Miss Jemima Rush. Mrs. Bassett, Mrs. Collins, Mrs. Salina Grey, the Allen twins (elderly), 
Mrs. Martha Ann Hall. Miss Eliza Hall, Mrs. Jane Tompkins and Amanda Tompkins. The 
nst of characters may be extended ad. lib. to meet local conditions. 

A fine entertainment for a class of women or girls. Ladies' Aid, Christian Endeavor and 
Epworth League Societies, etc. Price. 25 cents per copy. 

LOVE FINDS THE WAY, op The Detective That Father Hired. Music by Chas. H. 
Gabriel. Words by Rev. Wm. Danforth, author of "The Old District School," etc. A 
highly amusing farcical song-skit, with four characters: A Determined Young Lover, 
an Irate Father, a Daughter with a Will of Her Own, and an Aiding and Abetting Mother- 
parts: tenor, basso, soprano and alto. 

This composition consists of singing and dialog for each part and will serve to enliven any 
entertainment. The music is moderately easy, melodious and should be available in 
practically all communities. This work consists of some 12 pages in sheet music form. 
The story is as follows: A father, who objects to his daughter having a beau, believing that she is planning to elope 
with an unknown young man, advertises for a detective to ferret the matter out. The young lover answers the ad- 
vertisement, and tae father hires him to detect the culprit, promising to pay him "anything within reason." When 
the young lover's true identity is disclosed, he demands as his reward, for having detected himself, the hand of the 
daughter. The irate father objects. The daughter eventually convinces him that true love was the real detective in 
the case, and the parental consent is given. Price. $1.50; 50 per cent discount. 

THE OLD DISTRICT SCHOOL. A farce in two acts (new version). Book by Wm. Danforth. Music arr. by Geo. F. 

Rosche. This is a burlesque on the district school of 100 years ago. Ezekiel Simpkins, the teacher, is the central char- 
acter His costume is a tight Prince Albert coat, with brass buttons, or a worn and faded "claw-hammer" coat, colored 
vest cut low; stock collar, with large black tie; trousers, "high-water," with a patch of other color on one knee; well- 
worn shoes. Bald gray wig and "side" whiskers. The costumes of the pupils are in keeping with those of the teacher. 
The characters all read their lines from the book, so that there is yery little to be memorized and for this reason this 
work can be prepared in a very short time. Price, postpaid, 50 cents per copy. 

THE CHAPERON. A humorous Operetta in three Acts. Libretto by Wm. Danforth. Music by Geo. F. Rosche, 
"The Chaperon' ' is a humorous operetta designed for church choir and young people's societies. It will be found avail- 
able in all communities in which seven young men and seven young ladies who sing can be found. The music is bright, 
tuneful, easy to learn and easy to remember. The dialogue is witty, clean, wholesome and entertaining. Price, post- 
paid, 60 cents per copy. 

THE VISION OF HENSEL. An evening with the old songs. The old songs of child- 
hood, youth, love, war and home. Libretto by Elian N. Wood. There is no friend like 
an old friend and after all there are no songs we love quite so much as the old ones. 
This cantata furnishes a beautiful medium for the introduction of the old songs which 
we all know and love. There is just enough libretto to the work to form a continuous 
chain of thought throughout, and we know of no cantata that will afford such a pleasing 
entertainment at such a small expenditure of labor. The book is well worth its price if 
only to secure this fine collection of old home songs. Full of sentiment, humor and 
pathos and decidedly new and fresh in construction. Price, 30cents per copy, postpaid; 
$3.00 per dozen, not prepaid; add 3 cents per copy for postage. 



I 



*^™*9*^8f 



THE SPINSTERS' CLUB. A humorous operetta In two acts. Libretto by Harriet D. 
Castle. Music by Geo. F. Rosche. "The Spinsters' Club" is a humorous operetta 
designed for church choirs and young people's societies. It will be found available in 
all communities in which a church choir is found. The music is bright, tuneful, and 
yet easy to learn and memorize. The dialogue is witty, pleasing and entertaining, 
''ice, postpaid 60 cents per copy. 

A returnable sample copy of any of the above mailed on receipt of 3 cents for postage; to be 
returned postpaid or paid for in Thirty days. 



W?HCWSggJvMw&W 



The Vision 
of hensel 



7^SX*ZX' J «V**< t >*>2 



ILLUSTRATED PANTOMIMED HYMNS 

NEARER MY GOD TO THEE. Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig. This is a particularly fine produc- 
tion and lends itself admirably for a twelve-minute addition to an evening's entertainment in the church or hall. The 
instructions are very clear so that this pantomime may be prepared by anyone with ordinary talent or ability. The 
fourteen full figure halftone illustrations will be found an excellent help. 

The music is very complete. The regular hymn tune is printed for mixed voices; also an original quartet for voices of 
women and an original setting for voices of men and an original duet for soprano and alto by J. S. Fearis, thus furnish- 
ing a variety of music found in no other publication of this sort. Price, 40 cents postpaid. "Not sent on examination.'* 

IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR. Posed under the direction of Eleanor H. Denig, This pantomime will 
be particuarly interesting during the winter season for a twelve-minute addition to church or other entertainments. 
The directions are very elaborate, enabling any person to prepare the same successfully. The music is very complete, 
consisting of a hymn tune for mixed voices; an original setting for voices of both women and men: also a very fine duet 
soprano and alto; the latter by Chas. H. Gabriel. Price, 40 cents per copy postpaid. "Not sent cm examination.'* 



New York 





TULL AR-MEREDITH C» oF CONGRESS 

NEW P L A 

By Elizabeth F. Guptill ltl\lU\l\lVW (iih»«>« '"•■ - -7 

The School at Mud Hollow. A burlesque in « $16 103 802 
Females. Time about 2 hours. Price 35 cents 

PART I. In which is portrayed the difficulties encountered by Miss Arabella 
Pinkham, who has come to "Mud Hollow" to assume the responsible 
duties of "Teacher" in the school. In selecting "Mud Hollow" she seeks a 
change from the city life she is accustomed to, and finds plenty of it in the 
manners, customs and dialect of the pupils. From start to finish there is 
nothing but fun. 

PART II. Which represents the last day at the school, when the proud 
parents are present to listen to the final examination of the class by the 
Supervisor and enjoy the program which is rendered by the pupils. Part 
II. offers an opportunity for about 60 minutes of the finest fun possible. 
"The School at Mud Hollow" may be given in one evening, but for those 
who would prefer to make two evenings of it, or to give only one part, we 

offer the same work announced below under the title of "The New Teacher at Mud Hollow 

SchooF' and "The Last Day at Mud Hollow School" either of which can be given as a 

complete entertainment without regard to the other one. 

The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. Being Part I. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 

6 Males and 14 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. 

The Last Day at Mud Hollow School. Being Part II. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 

8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. 

Santa's Rescue 

Two mysterious pieces of paper fall into the hands of the children, one 
being found by the BOYS and one by the GIRLS. The meaning of the in- 
scription on each remains a mystery until it is discerned that by placing 
the papers together they have the message that the "Old Witch" of the 
North has captured "Santa" and holds him in an ice prison at the North Pole. 
Of course there could be no "Merry Christmas" without their "patron saint", 
so guided by the "Fairy Godmother" they start for the North Pole to rescue 
him. The "Old Witch" endeavors to block the rescuers' way by the as- 
sistance of "Old Zero" and the "Snow Fairies" but when they learn that 
the snow drift* they are piling up are to aid in keeping "Santa" from his 
usual Christmas activities they get the "Sunbeam Fairies" to come to their 
aid and melt the snow, while they bind with a frozen cord the "Old WitcTi," 
who is found indulging in a nap which she takes only once every hundred years. With the "Old 
Witch" powerless and in their control the Rescue of Santa is an easy matter. 
Tho* belated somewhat by his enforced stay at the North Pole, the children are glad to become 
his "aides" in spreading a "Merry Christmas" through all the world. This is a very clever plot, 
well worked out, and will make a decided hit for the Christmas season. 4 Boys and 5 Girls with 
any number of Fairies. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. 





FARCES 



Taking the Census. Mr. Cole, the Census Taker, has a funny experience 
in an attempt to gather the facts required by the government from Mrs. 
Almira Johnson, a "culludlady," and her young son Alexander. Three 
characters only. Time about 10 minutes. Price 10 cents. 

Answering the Phone. Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most try- 
ing experience with Nora Flanagan, the new "hired girl," who in their 
absence attempts to carry out the instructions given with special reference 
to "answering the phone." The final situation in which Nora makes a date 
with Miss Courtney's "intended" is ridiculous in the extreme. 3 females. 
Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. 

The Twins and How They Entertained the New Minister. They have a 

delightful time telling family secrets to the "New Minister," who has 

called for the first time. They explain the necessity of seeing their mother 

to find out from her if she is "In," for so often she is "Out" when she is "In" and "In" when she 

is "Out" 2 Males and 1 Female. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. 

NO ENTERTAINMENTS SENT "ON EXAMINATION" 



